2025: A Yearnote

I meant to write this before I left for the holidays in December but it feels like I'm only just catching my breath after some big work deadlines and personal things, along with school break and the manic and often unbearable pressure of being the person who creates all the magic over the holidays.

Normally I sort my reflections into what went well and what didn't. But for my yearnote, I'm going to lump it all together, because none of it slots nicely into one or the other. Everything was good, everything was challenging; what matters more is what I learned from it, and what I choose to take forward or leave behind.

In 2025....

My kids turned 6 and 10. As always seems to happen, parenting felt easier is some ways, more challenging in others.

I got a dog, just as I was starting to get used to the feeling of not having anyone totally dependent on me.

I did some of the most meaningful work I've ever done, but it's also the year I felt closest to burnout (I don't think I got there? But I'm not sure.) It was also the year I worked the most amount of unofficial overtime (don't worry, I tracked it and took it as lieu time.) I wasn't expected to take on that extra work, it was my choice, but... more resources and people would have helped immensely (2026 goals.)

I went on strike for the first time. This experience taught me a lot about the importance of collective power and a united workforce. It also left me with a lot of questions about why unions do things the way they do, and how those practices are impacting our systems. I found myself feeling more positively about the union, but also more critical of it. Walking the picket line was a cool experience that gave me time to finish a lot of podcasts and audiobooks, but it also gave me that uncomfortable experience of feeling alone while surrounded by hundreds of peers. I felt guilty for not talking to people more, but also too anxious about it all to make small talk.

I designed zero services, but I made a lot of powerpoints. I also did a lot of research (which resulted in ... more powerpoints.)

I felt more connected to (and safe with) the people I work with than I had in a while (maybe ever?) I think part of this was ritual (daily 15 minute standup), part of it was connecting on a personal level (space for non-work chatter about life, travels, memes etc.), and part of it was colleagues and leadership, in and out of our team, who showed up as humans rather than job titles, with genuine heart and emotion and recognized that in me too. But although the psychological safety was high in my team, I was also reminded that this isn't consistent across my workplace: I encountered some very alarming dynamics and behaviours (as 2025 was also the year I was personally berated in a group setting by someone very senior.)

My team went through three re-organizations, with another one coming. Overall I believe this is a good thing - welcoming change and letting things evolve. But as I wait for another big announcement, I feel impatient; I want to skim through the boring bits to figure out where this story is going, even though I know it's mostly the boring bits that matter. Waiting is never good for my anxiety; I worry when I see things that lack transparency, like decisions made in behind closed doors and only certain people at certain levels are allowed to know about it. I worry about echo chambers and I think a lot about conversations: Who is being left out of them, which ones are not even happening at all. I wonder whether there's a master plan or if we're making it up as we go (more likely), either way it's probably fine, right? I'm skeptically hopeful. I know we have some good people, and I hope I'm not naieve in trusting them.

We lost some momentum on our design community initiatives and events; but on the plus side, our design crits thrived thanks to people like Teresa, Victoria and our small crit organizers. I feel a lot of guilt for design community stuff, and I also feel guilt for that guilt because it's vain of me to think it's all on me when it's a collective effort. Our community has many good people who want to do good things, but something's been missing recently. Perhaps it's low energy, lack of time, lack of urgency... or maybe we're all just waiting for someone else to tell us what to do. At the same time, I'm trying to be patient with myself and my fellow community builders because communities are meant to evolve over time. And maybe this is where it's meant to be right now.

I found a lot of joy and purpose in my work but also struggled with feeling like I was too far down in the hierarchy to have a significant impact. Not for lack of trying; I took every opportunity to talk to people much more senior than me, right up to the head of our government. My corporate schmoozing didn't always go as well as I would've liked, but I learned something every time, and I'm proud of myself for trying. Even if I made no noticeable difference to services and systems, I know I've at least planted some seeds, and perhaps that's enough.

I said yes to some things I wanted to say no to, like being on podcasts and public speaking.

I said no to some things I wanted to say yes to, like taking on more community work and side tasks when I was struggling with workload.

(I had a really excellent time at SD in Gov, and I loved spending time with Charlotte and all the other very lovely people, so I'm glad that's one of the things I made time for)

I struggled with attention span and down time. For example, multiple times this year my library book check-out expired before I finished. This has truly never happened to me with any regularity before (and I read quite a bit, 40-50 books a year.) Perhaps I've simply had less reading time due to family/parenting/household obligations. But I worry this suggests something about my physical or mental health. I also worry this means I need to quit TikTok (I really love TikTok.)

There were significant changes in my personal life, the details of which I won't go into here. Many things went well, many things did not. A few relationships shifted, some even ended. I grew more determined to protect myself and my children, and more aware of what I was (and was not) willing to tolerate. I faced some health concerns and supported others in their own health concerns. Overall, I left the year feeling stronger and more optimistic about the future than I had in a while, so that's a win.

Some other things I noticed in 2025....

• There was less yoga, but more meditation and outdoor walking ...
• less reading, but more audiobooks (and a lot more doomscrolling ...)
• less podcast listening, but more new podcasts in my feed ...
• less writing, but more quiet (sometimes anxious) rumination ...
• less public speaking, but more smaller workshops (mostly on design basics)

I'll finish with this: In 2025, I never once dreaded going to work. Of course I had days where it was hard to get going, I certainly dreaded certain tasks, and I wished I had spent more time on holiday. But I can honestly say I genuinely enjoyed the work I was I doing and the people I collaborated with. I had a warm place to live, and (mostly) nice things to eat. I spent time with people I love, and I was loved by them in return. I know I was luckier than most, and for that I'm grateful.

So, all things considered, it was a good year.

My hopes and plans for 2026

I haven't fully plotted out my year yet (I plan on going through the year compass in the next week or so) but I already know some of the work-related things and themes on my mind for this year:

• Writing: Write something every week beyond weeknotes, even if it's something I don't publish externally (I'm already behind on this lol.) A big part of this is going to be getting quicker to hit publish and embracing imperfections - I'm a fast writer, but lately I've taken aaaaaaaages to review (and tbh obsess over) the things I write.
• Delivering value: I want to produce something tangible that's of value every week, even if it's just a progress update (could be weeknotes or some writing....)
• Community: Play a role (not sure what yet) in figuring out of what is next for our design community, while also taking meaningful steps to build up other communities around me (at home, in the public sector, in healthcare, etc)
• Design/Research sharing: Contribute to and/or build something for sharing research and design work in my organization, such as a repository. This was on my to-do list this year but strikes and re-orgs derailed things a bit
• Healthcare design: Understand the landscape of human-centred design in healthcare better - how does what I do compare to work being done in areas like patient engagement? Who else is doing this work in BC? (**however, there's a big organizational shift happening at work, and there's a chance I may not be working specifically on healthcare projects going forward, so this one may be moot)

Something that resonated on a recent meditation: I want to be more like water. I have a hunch that 2026 will mostly be about loosening my grip on expectation and letting things unfold and evolve how they're meant to. So I'll need to figure out how to flow where the current takes me, noticing the places where things are getting stuck but moving around it; Learning to use both the momentum and the friction to slowly carve out a new path in the ancient landscape around me.

And similar to last year, I want more of the following: calm, joy, impact, change, patience, kindness, curiosity, listening, community, sharing, learning, heart.

Bonus reflection: Did I live up to my 2024 hopes?

In my 2024 yearnote, I had these hopes for 2025:

✅ "get serious about meditation, mindfulness, and letting go of what I can't control" - I did a lot of this in 2025, and especially leaned into meditation. Obviously I still struggled with anxiety, but I feel I did what I could to stay calm and ride the waves of uncertainty.

✅ / 🤷‍♀️ "I want to have more impact with my service and care work" - I did very meaningful work, and I had some impact. I really wish what I did was more significant, but I believe that has more to do with the system I'm in than my contribution to it. There's still lots to do, and lots to learn, but I'm proud of what I did this year.

✅ "I want to write and share more about myself" - I wrote some meatier pieces this year, and I shared some things from the heart. I wish I'd written more of what was on my mind, but I did write.

❌ "pursue some new speaking opportunities, and also explore whether there are boards, committees or organizations" - I didn't really do this, but I did have an opportunity to speak at SD in Gov again which I am very grateful for. I would love to explore joining boards or committees and see what other speaking opportunities are out there in 2026, but I'm also not sure if I have the energy or ambition to actively seek those things out. Perhaps some will fall in my lap.

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Happy New Year - hoping for a wonderful 2026 for us all