A human-centred guide to making difficult and unpopular decisions

Why? because you are not some business robot

Standard disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on this blog are my own, speaking as a individual, and do not reflect the views of my employer or any affiliated organizations. This does not reflect a specific situation.

Step 1
Listen, but like actually listen, to the people affected by the decision. Not fake listening, where you already know the outcome but want to look like you care. Real listening where their voice has an impact. This means that before you reach out to them, you have designed the decision-making process so that their perspective is a valued part of it. Please understand that their lived experience is just as valuable as any evidence or frameworks or spreadsheets or reports or policies or directives that you bring to the table. You should care about their experience, and they should know that. They should know that you are not some business robot.

But also, sometimes this isn't possible. Sometimes the people affected aren't even aware that a decision is being made that will impact them. But that's no reason not to listen to them anyway.

There's a caveat to this: If a person's perspective and lived experience truly won't affect the outcome in any way, don't give them the false hope that it might. Be honest and tell them, "your voice doesn't have any impact here. Your perspective is not relevant." Does this sound harsh? That's because it is, but it's the truth and you owe them that. Saying this out lout to another human should make you uncomfortable - that is ok! Please sit with that discomfort, and think about why things are the way they are and whether you can do anything about it. Share that discomfort with your leaders and colleagues. Ask why things are done this way. Don't accept vague buzzword answers, dig into them. Maybe you could even gently suggest to whoever is in charge (if that's not you) that people's perspectives should matter in this. It's not such a wild idea.

Most importantly, consider what the people on the other side of this might be feeling when you tell them their voice doesn't matter to your decision. Better yet: ask them.


Step 2
Listen in the way that works for them. Not on your timetable, not in your offices. Go to them. Ask them what is convenient for them. Please note: if you are taking up a lot of their time, and/or if they are contributing to the work through sharing their lived experience, you should pay them for their time, at least the same rate that a staff member would make for bringing 'the organizational perspective' to the decision. This is the fairest thing to do. Their time is valuable, at least as valuable as yours.

Share your questions in advance. Allow them to share their questions in advance. Have a two-way conversation. Ask for their perspective, and ask permission before sharing yours. Take responsibility for the energy you bring into the room. Stay calm. Show you care, but also keep a bit of neutrality and distance - it might help to see yourself as playing a 'role', a contributing documenter and observer to this conversation, rather than a human connecting on an emotional level. Not that there is anything wrong with being a human and connecting with emotions (remember, you're not a business robot,) but that is not your main role in this. You are here to acknowledge, collect, document, share and, later, hopefully advocate for their perspective.

Book more time than you think you need. If this is a long process, book many meetings. Maybe you won't need all that time, but offer it anyway. Follow up afterward. Remember, trust is built slowly, if that's what is needed in this situation.

Step 3
Communicate clearly and often. Be very transparent about what is happening, when it is happening, and why it is that way. Give them timelines. Give them updates. If this is a long process, give them someone to contact to get updates when they need them. Give them a way to find updates on their own without having to ask. But make sure they know they are allowed to ask.

Make sure they are clear on who is doing what, which parts they are responsible for and which parts you are taking on. Set those expectations clearly. If you can't meet them, if things get delayed: ok, things happen – just make sure they know about it.

Step 4
Communicate like a human. Be clear and direct, but not blunt. Avoid jargon or sayings or metaphors (unless other people come up with the metaphor themselves.) Figure out the simplest form of your message to them, and repeat a version of it a few times because that's how it will start to land for them. Not like a parrot, of course, like a human, which you are. Make sure the things you say are things a human would actually say (hint, humans don't actually say things like 'optimizing resources' and 'aligning strategic priorities' in normal conversations.) Remember you are not some business robot.

If you are comfortable, maybe share something about yourself. Perhaps something a bit vulnerable, something that shows you are a human too. "I'm nervous." "My child woke me up at 4am, does that ever happen to you?" "I'm dyslexic so I find these long documents challenging." Make sure it is respectful and somewhat relatable to their experience though; Don't talk about your Italian yachting holiday if you think they might be struggling to pay rent.

If you have trouble connecting with people on a human level (maybe you are neurodiverse, or dealing with your own trauma) – that's perfectly ok, you are a human too. Be honest about that and ask for help from someone on your team. But try your best not to let your personal circumstances contribute to another human's uncertainty or pain.

Step 5
Deliver news (good or bad) with kindness and care, in the way that works best for the people affected. What works best? Great question! You should ask. Myself, I prefer getting news in writing, and then having a follow up conversation after. If you do this, the important part is to follow up after. See how they are doing. You are not a business robot.

Give them a chance to process the decision before it gets released to everyone else. Share what you will be sharing before it is shared. Let them have the first look. Make sure nothing is a surprise to them.

As much as you can, especially if it's a decision a lot of people are interested in, make non-sensitive details on the decision public or open. If you feel this is risky, keep in mind that not releasing information forces people to create their own story which is also risky, perhaps even more risky in the long term, because these stories can gain lives of their own and become the dominant narrative. And you know we're in a misinformation crisis, right?

Step 6
Acknowledge how they might be feeling about the decision (but don't assume you know how they actually feel.) Make sure they know you are considering how they feel, even if you can't do anything about it. Leave the door open for them to tell you how they feel. They may trauma dump on you– let them. They may ignore you or brush you off – let them. Don't let them bully or harm you, of course, but allow them the space to react. This is the price of being responsible for this decision.

But also: Acknowledge how you feel. You are also a human in this process. Be kind to yourself, but be honest with yourself too. Some things you did well, feel proud of that. Some things you could have done better, be aware of that. If other people unload their trauma on you, be mindful about how much you internalize. You don't have to take it in, you can let it sit there in the room as you walk out. Maybe you can place it in a word document and let 'the cloud' be its keeper. Business robots can take on trauma, but you are a human, so take care of yourself. If it feels ok, talk to someone else about it.

Step 7
Give the people affected by the decision some options of what to do next. When a decision is very disappointing or life-altering, people can feel a loss of control that is jarring, and some next steps may help them to not feel powerless or helpless. Even if your role in their journey ends here, the kind and human and non-business-roboty thing to do is to offer some suggestions, and there are always things they can do, even if they don't involve you. Perhaps there are places outside of your organization they could look to.

But, ideally, there should be some sort of appeal route, or a way for them to get the decision looked at again, such as another chance to apply down the road if things change. But if not, give them a way to gather more information; for example, the panel feedback or decision documentation. If that's not an option, ask yourself and your organization why. Ask yourself: What would would help me, what would I want, if this were me? (But also, ask them what would help, what they want)

Step 8
After the decision has been made, you're not done! Open yourself and your organization to respectful feedback, from the people affected by the decision, but also from others. Actively seek those perspectives, and care about them–they are a learning opportunity. Be available. Keep listening. Limit your templated responses and auto-replies. Don’t hide behind PR spin or 'corporate messaging' if you can help it. Show people that even when the answer is no, you still care. If you got something wrong, acknowledge it. If you got something right, acknowledge it. Say it like a human, and mean it. You're not a business robot.

You might find there's a need to question the decision. Maybe there was some evidence that was missed, or something new comes to light, or some consequences that weren't anticipated. If this happens, it is right and fair to thoughtfully and thoroughly consider whether the decision was the right one. Be open to changing it, if there's enough evidence to suggest that you should. Changing a decision doesn't make you look weak, despite what reddit commenters might say. It is both the intelligent and compassionate thing to do. Have faith that most reasonable people will understand and appreciate that.

Whatever the outcome, own your role in this process. Maybe you were fully responsible, maybe you were just the messenger. But try not to deflect or shift blame. Don't give vague reasons ("it's just too complex!") or unhelpful excuses ("my hands are tied!") or false platitudes ("no stone was left unturned!") And definitely do not make it about you ("I know how you are feeling, I've been there....") It's ok if people are mad at you. This isn't about you.

Not matter what, make some time to reflect, learn and grow. Even if you followed all the rules, there's always something to learn.

Maybe the thing you will learn when you do this is that 'the rules' are no longer suited to these kinds of decisions. Maybe the frameworks and policies and processes and power dynamics belong to another time or context and aren't right for this one. Dig in to these questions and bear in mind that even though people will tell you that everything is set in stone, very few things in work and life are actually set in stone. Lots of things can and will change. Your job is to figure out what you are able to move.

Though you may not feel like it, understand that you do have some degree of power and privilege here. You might as well use it to make things better for someone else.

Most of all: be humble and curious.

Remember that it is possible (and preferable) to bring both your head and your heart to your professional role.

Be kind to yourself. You are not some business robot.

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It's a lot of work. I know.

You likely can't do all of this.

But you probably can do some of it.

I believe that any ounce of humanity and humility you can bring to a business process will make it better in some way. And we humans are worth that effort.

Let me know how it goes.